September 2009
Last month I shared with you about our eating habit. We want to savor the taste of food in our mouth because that’s where all the taste buds are. Once the food passes through the esophagus, you won’t be able to know what the food tastes like anymore. Spiritual food needs to be savored as well with meditation. This month I would like to share with you another topic that relates to our mouth. The focus this time isn’t what is going in. Rather, it is what is coming out.
There is a big debate on how many words an average person says during a day. Studies show that it ranges from a couple of thousand to twenty thousand words for a typical woman and about one-third for a typical man. Of course, this kind of stereotyping is offensive to some because there are always exceptions to the rule. Regardless of how many words you say during a day, there is no doubt in my mind that words that come from the mouth are powerful. In fact, we can measure one’s success in our communication style. Corporations spend a lot of money to improve personnel in leadership on how to speak. There are workshops and seminars that gear towards improving one’s communication style.
Words that come out of our mouths can be used to either build up or to tear down a person. Therefore it is important to watch not only what we say, but also how we say it. Speaking with tact is necessary, attractive and welcoming, but then, it is so rare and difficult! I don’t believe anyone, in his right mind, like harsh words, no matter how truthful they are. Can you imagine a doctor, after diagnosing a patient with terminal cancer, tells his patient, “You have terminal cancer, and you will die in six months!” Even though it was the correct diagnosis, straight to the point, however the delivery was not tactful at all. How about shoes salesperson telling a customer, “Ma’am your foot is too big for this shoe!” The message would be received differently if the salesperson says, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but these shoes are just a little too small for you.” Both statements present the same fact, but the first statement insulted the size of her foot, whereas the second statement focuses on the improper fitting of the shoe. This is what “tact” is all about.
Come to think about it, there are many tactless and abrasive Christians who speak the truths without any regards of other’s feelings. I wonder how many people stay away from “good intended” Christians who speak harshly. We need to realize that Truths never change, but the way to communicate Truths needs to be tactful, so that we may dialogue. No one, including you, likes to talk with someone who is harsh and abrasive.
Before I sign off, I would like to say that the Bible is full of practical advises and words of wisdom for us to live a harmonious life with others that leads to success. There are many proverbs that remind us to be watchful of what we say and how to say it: “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.” (Pr. 21:23) and “. . . a gentle tongue can break a bone.” (Pr. 25:15) are just a couple of examples. Work on it, friends. You will like the outcome.
Pastor Larry
